Empty Hearts
by o0-flyinghigh-0o
Summary: (previously Lone Wolf) October 31st, 1981. Lupin closed his eyes on a world at war, and woke to find a peacetime a thousand times more horrorific.
1. The Darkest Night

__Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to the wonderful JK Rowling.

A/N: Okay. Long long Lupin fic, because we all need Lupin angst in our lives. Well I do. I'm terribly bad at updating usually. But this time I just accidentally wrote this massive thing, so you have a whole bunch of writing queued up for you before you need to worry.

This story starts October 31st 1981, shortly after the attack on the Potter's house. Please enjoy, and know that I absolutely adore reviews.

_Last light fades._

_A lone wolf howls._

_A man stands tall against the darkness_

_And waits for the creeping shadows to devour him too._

_Friends lie dead, love long fled,_

_But there might still be something worth fighting for._

_At least there's something to die for. _

1. The Darkest Night

His eyes shot open as he heard the door crash shut. He fumbled for his wand, rubbed his bleary eyes, and clambered out of bed. He could hear his heartbeat, and beyond that the sound of someone moving around down the hall. Still in the kitchen. How the fuck had they gotten in? He held his wand out, preparing himself. A stunning spell. One that'd knock them out. Before they knew he was-

'Sirius?'

He kept his wand raised, uncertain.

'Remus, thank fuck.' he breathed. He closed the distance between them with just a handful strides, and caught his mouth with a hungry, urgent kiss.

'Sirius,' Remus said softly, drawing back, 'Aren't you meant to be with Peter? What's going on? What happened?'

A trembling hand traced the outline of his face.

'I... Peter's gone, Moony. He just wasn't there. And I somehow doubt he just decided now would be a great time to take off on a vacation without letting anyone know.'

'Oh, Merlin...'

'But why... Why would they just go after Peter? And then... Then... I was so scared Moony, I thought... ' he broke off and met Remus' eyes for the first time since walking through the door. The familiar brown eyes, usually bright with excitement, looked haunted. _I thought they might have come for you too._

Remus nodded, and moved one of his hands to rest at the base of Sirius' neck.

'But I'm okay. I'm here and we're safe.'

'When I got here I thought I could just go find you. But, fuck, the thought of not finding you... I just couldn't make myself move.'

Sirius ran a still shaking hand through his hair.

' 'Sokay, Padfoot. It's all okay,' he murmured as he leaned into another kiss, gentler than the last.

This time it was Sirius who pulled away.

'Fuck, I wish I could stay. I'll be right back, I promise. But I need to check... I probably shouldn't have stopped here but I just had to make sure...'

He stole a quick kiss before properly pulling away. And then, slipping through Remus' fingers, he out the door, back out into the night.

With a quick flick of his wand, flames lit up beneath the old dented kettle resting in his stove. He pulled out his box of tealeaves feeling vaguely unsettled. For once, the familiar rough wood did nothing to calm him. There was no reason for Peter to be a target, he'd probably gotten spooked and gone into hiding. But there had been something off about Sirius. Distracted, worried, on the verge of panicking. And holding back.

His visit had felt surreal, immaterial. Already the feel of his hands, of his lips, was fading. Maybe if he focussed hard enough he could bring Sirius back to him. Or find the madness that'd reveal this night as a dream.

He watched the tea steep, the leaves swirling out, the colour darkening and deepening. Fingers wrapped around the mug, he slunk into a chair. Watching his tea. Watching the door. Worrying. Waiting.

Sirius had said he'd be back soon. There was no point trying to sleep now anyway.

Two hours later, just before dawn, Alice Longbottom's fox-shaped patronus found him still sitting in that chair.

Sirius still hadn't come home.

Her voice was soft and soothing. Well, it would've been soothing, if it didn't keep catching. Each hitch a barb, painfully pressing against his heart, refusing to let him forget the news she was bearing.

James was dead. Lily was dead. Harry was all alone.

He felt numb.

Her words continued to wash over him. Voldemort was gone. The war was won. It was finally over, but celebrating was last thing he felt like doing. Then something caught his attention. And the rest of his small world fell apart.

'Alice, wait, what was that?'

'They were attacked at home. The whole house has been gutted. We're still trying to get a hold of everyone, and find out what's going on. But, I know they had a secret keeper. And either they were betrayed, or someone else is dead. And then they were still betrayed by someone,' she choked back a sob, 'I'm so tired of burying friends and discovering traitors. Remus. I just…' She stopped, suddenly noticing his face had somehow gone whiter. 'Remus?'

'Sirius. It was Sirius. He was their secret keeper. I just… How can he be dead?' His voice cracked. His Sirius. His best friend. His lover. His everything. Gone. With James. With Lily. And probably Peter too, it was that kind of night.

'I wouldn't be so quick to mourn him. He was alive and in good health when he stopped by the Potter house this morning.' Her voice was clipped and cold. 'I'll have to pass that along.'

'Sirius would never betray James. Alice, you know that.' He could feel the panic and hysteria bubbling up in his throat. He wasn't sure whether he wanted Sirius dead or alive. He wanted yesterday. He wanted James and Sirius and Lily and Peter sitting in this room with him. He wanted his Sirius. He wanted him alive. He wanted him on his side. As he should be, no matter what fight.

He wanted Sirius to not be the secret keeper. But he'd stood next to him outside the Potter house, and whispered the address in his ear when Harry was just two months old. And then kissed his neck before pulling away.

'He was alive. If he was their secret keeper, then he betrayed them. Sirius might've been your friend, Lupin, but he was also a Black. In the end, blood is thicker than water'.

And then the silvery creature vanished.

And Remus was all alone.


	2. A Cause For Celebration

_2. A Cause for Celebration_

The celebrations had been relentless. Witches and wizards with nary a care for discretion were out in full force, dancing down the streets in full wizardry regalia, sparks flying, owls everywhere. The biggest threat to the magical community in living memory had been defeated. By a baby too! He couldn't remember ever seeing so much joy so openly on display.

Remus felt like screaming. James and Lily were dead. Sirius, his friend, his heart, was on the run after letting Voldemort waltz into their house to kill them. Peter was still unaccounted for.

All he wanted to do was curl up and close the curtains and wait until his Sirius came home and explained how he'd worked with James to fake the whole thing to draw Voldemort out.

But lying to himself had never been one of his talents.

Instead he'd found himself wading through the crowds to get to the Order's headquarters, buffeted by people who refused to let him wallow in his misery.

Inside was worse. The atmosphere was intense, ricocheting between electrifying highs and devastating lows. These were the people whose lives had been constantly on the line in the fight against Voldemort. Whose families had been in the most danger from him and his followers. Who were finally, _finally_, safe. The very same people who'd known and loved the Potters. And it wasn't just the loss of Lily and James weighing on their mind. It was a peace that had been bought with their blood, and the blood of their loved ones.

He pushed through the party till he reached Dumbledore, cutting into his conversation with Molly Weasley, precariously balancing her newborn girl on her arm, while her one year old clung to her skirts. She turned to face him, whether to pity him or scold him for interrupting he'll never know, but one look at his face, pale and taut with anger, and she thought better of it and quickly excused herself.

'Please tell me this is a joke.'

'I am afraid I haven't found much to jest about today. Did you have anything specific you wanted to follow up on?'

'You sending Harry to live with Lily's sister. You cannot be serious about that.'

'Deadly. They are, after all, his family.'

'Lily couldn't stand her. And her sister hated us. Didn't even come to the wedding. Never so much as laid eyes on Harry. She is the last person they'd want caring for their son.'

'I think you'd find that love and protection can be found in the most surprising places.'

'Not with them.'

Remus could feel himself quivering. Dumbledore seemed to stop and look at him for the first time, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

'And what do you propose we do with young Harry instead?'

It was odd, meeting the stare of a man who'd been your teacher, your mentor. Who had spent so long as the highest authority in his life. And knowing that he was wrong. And that he was not qualified to make this call.

'Let me take care of him.'

'I don't think so, Lupin.' His tone was cold and determined.

'You are not Harry's guardian.'

'And you won't be either.'

'And why the hell not? I know they never left Harry to the Dursleys. He would've gone to Sirius, right? That's what's in their will, isn't it? Now,' his voice caught, 'Now, that's obviously not going to happen. But they wanted him with someone they knew and loved, with someone who is a part of this world. I know Harry. I can promise him love and support and I am at least as qualified as Sirius ever was. I can do this.'

'Perhaps in light of recent events you'll understand why the fact you managed to win the Potter's trust doesn't exactly inspire me to hand over the baby.'

'Sirius... Sirius surprised us all. That doesn't mean everyone's a traitor. Merlin, if you start thinking like that... Just, please, let me look after Harry. Raise him the way James and Lily would've wanted him to be raised. Don't make him pay anymore than he already has to.'

He hated the desperate, pleading tone in his voice. The wild hysteria he could hear edging in. All the emotions usually kept in check had long spiralled out of his control, and he no longer had the energy to try and contain them.

'I'm sorry Remus, but Harry will go and live with his family and that's final. There is nothing you can say that will change my mind. I have my reasons, and for now that'll have to be enough for you.'

'And if it's not? If your undisclosed reasons are not enough to make me okay with the fact that you want to hand over Lily and James' only child to someone who detested them?'

'You've had a long day. A long, hard day. Perhaps you're not thinking clearly. But surely even you can see you're hardly the ideal candidate for a guardian.'

Dumbledore was not having any trouble keeping the emotion out of his voice. It was still clear and clipped, detached and unmoved by Remus' begging. But for a second there, Lupin thought he could Dumbledore's agitation starting to show through. As Dumbledore cleared his throat to continue on, Remus realised Dumbledore was done with him.

'Not only did you fail to realise that the man who shared your roof had changed sides, but once a month you find yourself in no state to care for a child, not to mention that you become downright dangerous. I'm going to say this once more, and I want you to listen. You will not be getting Harry. There is nothing you can say that will make me hand over Harry. You will not see Harry. You will not interfere with his new life with his only surviving relatives. This conversation is over, Remus. Now go home.'

Cruel. Remorseless. Cutting words. True words. Remus stared at the man who had taken him, given him an education, a chance when no one else would. Who, more than anyway, had shown faith in him and given him hope that he could live a normal life. Who had just declared him an unfit guardian.

Remus stared at his the hero of his childhood.

And Remus fled.

Of course. Of fucking course. Why would anyone trust him around a small child? He was, at the end of the day, a monster. A monster who slept traitors and murderers. He laughed mirthlessly. What would they say if they knew Sirius had shared his bed as well as his roof? If they realised he'd been closer to him than anyone else in the whole fucking world? If they knew he'd been so caught up in his eyes, in the touch of skin, the curve of his lips, that he hadn't seen anything that might've warned them. And surely there had been something. Maybe that'd been his plan all along. To drive him mad with his scent, with his very presence, so that he never had a chance in hell of keeping his head. Never had a chance of catching him out.

Until last night. This morning. When he'd been panicked and distracted and had known something big was going on. And Remus had finally seen that Sirius was holding out on him. And that it was something big. And he'd let him go anyway.

He stopped briefly at a bottle shop, grabbing a couple of bottles of firewhisky. To be sober, clear thinking and fully aware were the absolute last things he wanted tonight. He just wanted to forget. He wanted oblivion. Darkness. His friends back.

The man behind the counter was decked out in bright emerald robes, complete with pointy hat. A broad grin was firmly fixed on his face, and Remus highly suspected he'd been sampling the product.

'Gettin' ready to cel'brate then, ay?' the man slurred, before offering a conspiratorial wink. 'Big day for it, wondrous day of 'joicing 'cross the whole magical community!'

Remus attempted to smile in return, but felt it die on his face. The man didn't appear to notice. He dumped the coins on the counter and with a muttered thank you, escaped out the door.

A wondrous day of rejoicing indeed.

When he finally made it back to the safety of his apartment he yanked the curtains shut, shoved the door closed, and let his eyes fall shut.

And found himself overwhelmed with the smell of _him_.

Back pressed against the door, the raucous chorus of joyous witches and wizards wafting in, he pulled out one of the bottles of firewhisky, took a long swig, and felt his shoulders start to shake.

Before long he was sobbing in earnest.

**A/N:** I know the confrontation between Dumbledore and Lupin was cruel. But not, I hope you'll understand, unnecessary. We all know why Dumbledore left Harry with the Dursley's, but back then no one else did. And Lupin must have had some inkling of what they would be like. It seems unlikely that he'd have said nothing. It took him twelve years to come and teach at Hogwarts, and work with Dumbledore despite being a natural teacher, and knowing he wouldn't have to worry about anti-werewolf prejudice there. And there's the uncharacteristic abandonment of Tonks when he found out she was pregnant. So, it makes sense to me that this scene, or some form of it would have taken place. Not just trying to torture Remus for the hell of it, Rowling did enough of that for me.


	3. Dreams, Memories and Firewhisky

_James stands before him. All of 17 years old, on top of the world. He has a date with Lily Evans. Finally._

_'Dead. You're dead,' Remus moans._

_Peter claps his hands together excitedly._

_'Where are you going to take her? God, imagine if after all this time the whole thing is just awful?'_

_A panicked look crosses James' face._

_'It won't be awful, will it? Oh, Merlin, I'm going to be awful, aren't I?'_

_A laugh erupts to his left._

_'Oi, Wormtail, try not to give the poor boy a heart attack.'_

_Sirius stands, and Remus finds himself being pulled up too, his books falling to the ground. Did he know he had books?_

_'Let go of me, fucking traitor,' Remus tries to snarl. Instead he hears himself laughing as well._

_'Before you know it,' the treacherous bastard continued, 'You'll be waltzing down the aisle, on your way to marital hell!'_

_'Bliss. With Lily it'd definitely bliss.'_

_'Blimey, it's more serious than I thought.' Sirius announced, his voice grave._

_'If we're not careful we'll have fat happy ginger babies on our hands.' Remus replied, his tone just as serious._

_Peter grinned. James groaned._

_'Remus, I thought you were meant to be on my side. At least I got you, Pete. I can always count on you.'_

_''Course you can. Have to make a good impression if I want to be the best man.'_

_James groaned again. Sirius slapped Peter's shoulder._

_'Good man. And don't you worry about us, we can be his flower girls. We can audition now if you'd like?'_

_'Please don't.'_

_Peter gave a delighted laugh. Sirius linked his arm with Remus', ignoring his half hearted protests and led him around James humming here comes the bride, throwing torn off bits off grass..._

_Sirius stopped, and turned to face Remus. Everyone else faded away. The grass, the trees, the sky vanished along with them. They were in a classroom now, a thick layer of dust settled over every surface._

_'James sounded so happy.' Sirius' had his arms wrapped loosely around his neck, keeping his face distractingly close._

_'Do you ever,' Remus began hesistantly, 'Do you ever wish you were with a girl? So you could tell everyone about it?'_

_'Do you?' Sirius replied with a frown._

_'I'm used to keeping secrets.' He shrugged. Sirius grinned._

_'And I'm used to keeping your secrets.'_

_'Not from James,' he pointed out._

_He hesitated. Remus felt his stomach drop._

_'I think you make me feel a million times better than anyone else I've ever met. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone else. Fuck, I think I might be in bloody love with you. And I wish I could scream it from the heavens. But I also know they wouldn't get it. And I don't want all of that shit to ruin this. So, yes I wish I could tell everyone. But they could offer me every girl in the world and they'd still never be able to lure me away from you.'_

_He gave a shaky, exasperated sigh and smiled at him. His heart melted. Traitor, a voice in his head screamed. Traitor. You killed them. You killed them._

_'Is that enough of an answer for you?'_

_Remus nodded slowly._

_'And by the way, I think I might sort of love you too.' _

_Sirius dropped a hand to Remus' waist, pulling his body flush against his. Remus lifted his now free hand, letting his fingers curl around a lock of hair that had drifted across Sirius cheek. _

_'You know, I've never told anyone I love them before.'_

_A dreamy expression spread across his face. A matching grin appeared on Remus'. His teeth caught on his lip and he glanced quickly downwards. Happiness. Contentment._

_'It's not too late, you know. There were a lot of I thinks and mights in there.'_

_Firm fingers pulled his face upwards so his eyes were once again locked on Sirius'._

_'Remus Lupin, my Moony, I love you. I bequeath you my heart. If I could think of one if those poems you do so love I'd quote a particularly sappy line at you.'_

_'Well, Sirius Black, Padfoot, my heart is already yours. I love you, no mights, no sort ofs, no I thinks. I love you. And there is no better way to say it.'_

_Sirius pressed his lips pressed gently and firmly against Remus'._

_This time when he pulled back to meet his eyes, Remus found something different. They looked older. Crueler. He barked out a laugh, and leaned in, leering down at Remus._

_'You should really be more careful who you give your heart away to.' He plunged a hand into Remus' chest. Remus let out a startled cry. 'You never know what they might do with it.'_

_And then he ripped out his heart._

_Remus fell forward, pawing at the whole in his chest, blood seeping through his fingers. Sirius was holding the bloody lump in his hand, and after gracing Remus with a contemptuous sneer threw it against the wall._

_Remus screamed._

_And then darkness._

_Empty darkness and endless pain._

_Slowly colours started to seep back in._

_He was sprawled on the floor of his living room._

_Only sweat dampened his shirt. He could smell the acrid scent of vomit, though he couldn't remember throwing up. In any case, he couldn't see any._

_One hand resting on the coffee table, he gently levered himself up. And then froze._

_'Fuck, I thought I'd woken up.'_

_A woman, young, dark, and all sharp edges, perched on one his armchairs, and gave him a quick dismissive glance. _

_'Oh, come on. You're not real. I know you're dead. I know my mind hasn't just thrown you up so you can ignore me. The very least you can do is look at me.'_

_Lily had killed her, he remembered. Almost a year ago. They'd gone out to dinner, all five of them. It'd been a long time since they'd done that. The woman was a deatheater. Not one of any particular importance, he couldn't even recall her name, just someone who was happy to murder muggles and muggle-borns. She'd recognised Sirius as a Black and assumed we were on her side._

_And now Sirius stood before her once more. Her face crinkled in a frown, wand held out accusingly._

_'It's in the blood. You can't change that. She'll always be a dirty mudblood, and sooner or later you'll come to see that. And you boy, you're one of us. I've fought alongside your brother, with your cousins, your parents. You'll tire of all of this eventually, realise who you really are. You just better hope they'll still take you when you come to your senses,' she laughed then. 'Maybe you'll even cut off her pretty head.'_

_Back then, Sirius had stood ashen faced before her. Remus had seen his grin slip away at the mention of his family. Now, he smirked. He stepped towards her, placed one hand under her chin, and drew her towards him._

_'Hers and her blood traitor husband's too. Then they'll have to forgive me.'_

_'I already have.' Her hands snaked around his neck, and then their lips met. Remus looked away, fighting the urge to be sick._

_When he looked back they were gone. _


	4. Shattered Daylight

'Whoa, you with me, Remus? C'mon, mate, work with me here.'

'Erngggghh.'

'Hey, there we go. Got some water for you, just need you to sit up.'

He forced his eyes open, and found himself looking into Frank Longbottom's eyes. He tried to move, and felt a sudden pain in his side. Frank frowned.

'I think you fell off the couch. That's what happens when you pass out in the living room.'

Remus nodded. Slowly, awareness was returning to his limbs. And they ached. Though it wasn't nearly as bad as the throbbing in his head. He forced himself to put weight on his arm and ignore the stabbing pain in his ribs and lifted himself up till he was sitting upright, before collapsing back against the couch. Fred pushed a glass of water into his hand, and he gulped down the first mouthful, before almost coughing it all back it up.

'What time is it?' he croaked.

'Morning. How much did you have to drink last night?'

He pressed the heel of hand against his eye. The whole night was blur. He'd seen Sirius. Again and again and again. He'd loved him and hated him, betrayed him and been betrayed by him. He'd seen James and Lily and Peter and Harry. He'd watched them live and laugh and die and bleed. And he remembered every excruciating second.

Keeping track of what had been going on outside his head, like how much he'd drunk, when he'd moved back to the lounge room again, why there were scorch marks on his floor, he was having a bit more trouble with.

'I... don't know. I'm guessing a lot.'

Fred smirked.

'I could've guessed that much,' his smile fell away, 'How're you holding up?'

'My whole body hurts.'

'Remus.'

'I don't know. I don't fucking know,' he dropped his head into his hands. 'We won. I just never thought winning would hurt so much.'

'We'll all miss them.'

Remus gave a weak smile.

'At least we don't have to lose anyone else. Has there been any sign of Pete?'

Frank shook his head, grimacing slightly.

'His house is empty, it looks undisturbed. No sign of him anywhere. If someone got to him, it was someone he trusted.'

'Sirius,' he winced.

Fred shrugged, and then offered him a hand.

'See if you can stand. You need some proper sleep, and I am not carrying you to bed.'

'There's been no luck chasing him down then?'

'You don't need to worry about that just yet. We'll get you to help with rounding up deatheaters soon enough.'

Remus nodded and took his hand. He bit back a yelp as Frank yanked him to his feet, and for a moment the whole world seemed to spin.

'Sorry about this. I know you'd probably prefer to be home or out celebrating.'

'Don't worry about it, someone had to check on you, and this way I can reassure Alice that you're perfectly fine with absolute confidence.'

'Perfectly fine?'

'You will be. You'll be sleeping off your drink, and I've got a potion that'll take away all your aches. I mean, it's not going to fix everything, but at least then you won't be fighting your own body as well.'

'Ah. Why didn't we start with that?'

'It'll knock you out pretty much straight away, and, like I said, not in the mood for carrying you.'

'Half surprised Alice didn't come herself, actually.'

Frank smiled.

'She wanted to. She tried to. Neville kicked up a fuss and wouldn't be parted from her. We could've made him, but... for once it wasn't life threatening. For once she could just stay and hold our baby. She'll probably stop by later though.'

'She's always welcome. And if she still can't detach herself from Neville, I won't object. How is he, anyway?'

'He's the same. He had no idea the war was going on, so he has no idea it's ended. And now he'll never have to know anything about it, save what he reads in books. He can be strong, and brave and resourceful, but now he might get to live his whole life without working out whether or not he's a fighter. He'll get to grow old in a time a peace.'

His smile was relaxed and genuine, his eyes focussed on something far away. For a moment, it was almost as if he was watching Neville get to live out this peaceful life. Then he shook his head and brought his attention back to Remus.

'Anyway, you need to get to bed.'

***

The next time he woke he felt rested. Clear headed. His heart still ached, but everything else felt fine. He'd have to ask Frank about that potion next time he saw him.

Then he heard a noise from the other side of the room. He sat up, awake and alert. And then frowned. While Moody wasn't a threat, the sight of him lounging on a chair in his bedroom did nothing to calm him.

'Alastair, what are you doing here?'

'You're up. I was planning to wake you, but I figured you could use a bit of peace. I helped myself to your liquor while I waiting, hope you don't mind. It's been that kind of day.'

'Everyone still celebrating?' he asked, uncertainty causing his voice to shake slightly.

'Oh, sure, out on the streets. Convinced that their safe now, as if today's events haven't proved how wrong they are. Course they just see that everyone's been apprehended and don't stop to think about the fact they were part of a group.'

'What happened today?' Lupin felt cold.

'We found Black. Well, Pettigrew found Black.'

'Peter? He's alright then? He's alive?' He could feel the relief seeping through his body. Yes, he adored Alice, had grown close to Frank, and even didn't mind Dedalus, but it had always been the four of them, and the very idea that he was the only one left... He cut off his train of thought as he saw Moody shaking his head.

'Pettigrew found Black and took it on himself to confront the bastard. You know both boys' skills. Who do you think won that fight?'

'Oh. So, Si- Black, killed him then?'

'Blew him up. Him and twelve muggles who had the misfortune to be in the area, in broad daylight, with over a dozen more looking on.'

'Nothing ambiguous about that.'

He took a deep steadying breath. Sirius was a murderer. He knew that. Pete was dead. He'd been almost certain of that. Though it hurt to discover he'd been free and safe for the last two days, that he could've been saved, if only he hadn't try to tackle him on his own. Why hadn't Pete come to him?

'So... he got away then?'

'Nope. The boy cracked. When the authorities showed up he was just standing there, surrounded by all the blood and flesh and debris, laughing his head off. I suppose he didn't have any reason to keep fighting, burnt all his bridges just in time to see his master lose. There'll be a trial, of course, but we'll send him off to Azkaban, quick as you like.'

He nodded numbly.

'Can I fetch you some tea, something stronger?' Moody asked.

'Uh, no. No, I'm good. And it's my house, I should be offering you drinks, not lounging around in bed. It's... well, it's all news I started processing yesterday in a lot of ways. And I drank enough of the stronger stuff then that my body would probably never forgive me if I started drinking more of it now.'

'Not why I was offering you the drink. Sirius wasn't the only Black busy today.'

'I'll... I'll miss the drink. What else happened?'

'Bellatrix. Her bloody husband. His bloody brother. And Crouch Jr. of all people. Couldn't cope with the loss of their lord and master. Figured he couldn't be dead, and that we must've done something to him. They just needed an Order Member to give up his location and then they could come rescue him. Sure you don't want that drink?'

'Barty Crouch was a deatheater? And no, just tell me.'

'They went after the Longbottoms. Extensive use of the Cruciatis Curse. They haven't woken up yet, but it was only a few hours ago. The healers are worried about the damage they sustained though. Not many people survive the level of torture those two were put through.'

Lupin wanted to be sick. He thought of Frank's smile just this morning when he'd spoken of his son. Of that face contorted in agony as Bellatrix leered down at him. Of Alice who had always been so quick with a charm, or a curse. Who had spent hours with him in the library studying, then later laughing and talking. Who had been his friend. And Lily's, too.

'I thought it was meant to be over.'

'I know. And it will be, soon. We're getting names now. We can ferret out the last of the deatheaters and be done with the whole damn mess soon enough.'

Why them? Why Peter? Or James? Or Lily? How was it that he remained safely tucked up in bed while all of his friends died?

'I might get that tea now,' he announced, whilst launching himself out of bed.

Moody eyed him suspiciously.

'Don't do anything stupid, boy. We don't need any more casualties.'

'I won't be troubling anyone by giving them another grave to mourn over.'

Moody stared at him for a moment, then nodded, pulled himself out of the chair and followed Lupin to the kitchen. Remus topped up the kettle, lit the stove, and took a deep breath.

'Thank you for telling me, but I think I'll be right now.'

The corner of Moody's mouth twitched ever so slightly.

'Well, someone had to. You're a good kid, Remus. And everyone knows that Sirius and James and Peter were like brothers to you. Don't forget that there are other people who care about you.'

He gave Remus one last appraising look, nodded, and left.

As the door clicked shut behind him, Remus sank to the floor, head in his hands.

_Surely, we've given enough. Surely they've taken everyone they plan to take. Surely this is the end. _

_I just need it to be over._


End file.
